Last week (2/8/11): 162.5
This week (2/14/11): 162.5
Change: NONE (-3 lbs total)
So last week I had a gain of 0.5 lbs and frankly I didn’t feel like talking about. I have, and have always had an issue with obedience. I only was a “good” girl as a kid because I happened to want the same things my parents wanted for the most part. I have ALWAYS hated to be told what to do. Even if it’s me telling myself I want to do something.
After reading the last two books I mentioned in previous Mamavation Monday posts, it became crystal clear. And I’m still not sure if I want to deal with it. I know that it isn’t good to eat what I usually eat, but I’m ultimately lazy as well. I’m the same way with schedules. I make wonderful schedules, plans and routines and they look great on paper. They even work when I do them. I just don’t want to be told what to do. Am I the only one who struggles with this?
I think ultimately I’m going to have to work much harder on this, and as I learned in Made to Crave, I’m going to have to look at this battle as a spiritual battle and my battle to fight is that of obedience. While eating sugar or whatever is not a sin in and of itself, the fact that I cannot control myself IS. I am holding food higher than God. It is the thing that God has chosen to use to bring me to him, to depend on him for his help. I just need to answer his call and say, “Yes, Lord, for you I will.” Can I do that? Boy, am I getting deep today.
On a practical level, I know why I didn’t lose any weight this week. I still haven’t made/found time to exercise. And Itty Bitty is having a growth spurt and switched from a single side to both sides at a feeding leaving me engorged (AGAIN!) and starving. all. the. time. So yeah, diet & exercise have been in the tank. Barely on the forefront of thought. This cleaning out and purging, makes me want to use stuff up so I don’t have to move it and that includes eating what we HAVE instead of buying healthier alternatives. And it happens every time. So I have OCD issues in addition to spiritual ones :).
Anyway, so that’s what’s going on in my head. Are you working on a journey? How are you doing?
This post is linked to Mamavation Monday’s @ Mamavation.
kia
15 February 2011 at 12:30 PM (14 years ago)Breastfeeding and trying to lose size/weight are a challenge. The priority is your Itty Bitty. Best wishes to you in finding your balance.
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jen Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:05 AM
Thanks! I’m finding that my meager efforts are being blessed beyond measure :). If you want Him to bless your efforts, first there must be efforts to bless!
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Katrina Roets
15 February 2011 at 1:09 AM (14 years ago)I get it. I so get it. Hang in there and just keep trying. *hugs*
Katrina Roets´s last blog post ..Mamavation Monday – Just Keep Going
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jen Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:04 AM
Thanks so much for the comment. I appreciate knowing that I’m not alone!
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Casey
15 February 2011 at 12:24 AM (14 years ago)I was in the place you are describing for a very long time. I knew what I wanted, but I wanted to do it because I wanted to and not have any help from anyone else doing it. I also wanted it to be easy. I had just about gotten myself to a place where I was ready to be humble, ask for help, and really work hard on it. Then, I found out I was pregnant. So, I put it off for a year.
The thing that helped me the most was focusing on what I wanted. I want to be healthy and feel good. Doing what I was doing wasn’t getting me what I wanted. Even though I wasn’t following the rules, I still wasn’t getting any sort of reward for it. I just ended up feeling frustrated, unhappy with my body, and tired. I hope you’re able to find that place where you find something that makes it all click for you. It’s different for everyone.
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jen Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:04 AM
That’s fabulous. I haven’t really been focused on weight loss either, just being healthy & having energy to run after my littles. The fact that it’s been coming off so easy (because I haven’t even been that great about exercise or eating), has been a miracle. Especially after the health problems I had after Lil’ Bit’s birth! Thanks for stopping by!
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Janice - The Fitness Cheerleader
14 February 2011 at 5:09 PM (14 years ago)I find losing weight while breastfeeding incredibly hard without exercising – I’m hungry all the time and can’t stop thinking about food! So instead I eat when hungry and try to get a good hour of exercise 4 times in a week. It seems to be helping. I also only weigh myself once a month – that way the results of my efforts don’t affect my mood and eating habits as much.
Congrats on breastfeeding baby! Way to go!
Janice – The Fitness Cheerleader´s last blog post ..Calculators For Weight Loss
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jen Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:02 AM
Thanks! We have so many friends who nurse (all but two, in fact, even the ones who work) that it seems strange to me that it’s not typical.
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janice @fitnesscheerleader.com Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:09 AM
It’s more normal here bc I’m in Canada & we get 1 yr off for maternity leave. It’s very breastfeeding friendly here as a result (most malls have nursing rooms!). Keep up the good work mama!
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jen Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:14 AM
No kidding…are the nursing rooms well maintained?
Lena B
14 February 2011 at 12:36 PM (14 years ago)Good luck figuring out how to make it work. Have a great week and no weight gained is a great result of the week
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jen Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:00 AM
Exactly! I’m so glad it wasn’t a gain–that’s what I was expecting.
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Rebecca B.
14 February 2011 at 11:54 AM (14 years ago)I’m a pretty stubborn girl myself and when I had people, doctors, everyone else telling me that I needed to lose weight… I wasn’t. It wasn’t until I decided to do it for myself that I started making progress.
It is hard to submit to His will most of the time… if it was easy, everyone would do it.
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jen Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:00 AM
I totally agree! Thanks for stopping by :).
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Amanda
14 February 2011 at 10:42 AM (14 years ago)Your whole first paragraph there…it makes perfect sense to me. I’ve been there. I’m there now.
It’s tough, but you can do it. I have faith.
Good luck! *hugs*
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jen Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 10:59 AM
I didn’t think it had to be just me or so many of us wouldn’t be where we are. Thanks for stopping by!
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MiLo
14 February 2011 at 8:53 AM (14 years ago)I can’t wait to read Made to Crave! I was a part of the Facebook party that went on last week on Lysa Terkeurst’s page, she makes excellent points — most of which I can relate to. It’s tough when you have small children, I have 4 children, one of which is an 8mo old. So I can relate to your struggles! I try not to be too hard on myself right now because I’m sleeping only about 4hrs every night and I’m doing the best I can with a 30-min workout every day. Though I want to do more and eat better, times are tough right now! One day the babies won’t be babies anymore, then we’ll struggle with emotional eating over the fact that we don’t have babies anymore, haha! 🙂 Life is one big circle! I hope you’re able to make more progress this week, just do the best you can do 🙂
MiLo´s last blog post ..Mamavation Monday
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jen Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 10:59 AM
I’m impressed that you get that much exercise on that little sleep. I am obnoxious if I get less than 9 (without babies) and 6 or 7 with babies… Thanks for stopping by!
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